We walk on our separate ways, living separate lives and here we meet again 7days later... Although it only lasted for a while, 3minutes I assume? I couldn't count how much time we have used. All I knew was the clock was ticking so fast, I couldn't capture that very moment well enough and it can only be left as memories now. Well I guess it was better than nothing? Watching you walk back to your car, it did killed me a little inside as I know you are leaving once again and I don't know when will we meet for another 3minutes again.. As I turned my head and decided to stay there and watch you drive away was the last thing I could do for the whole scenario to last a little longer.
I threw all my songs from my notebook on shuffle mode, most of the songs played were the songs where it reminds me a little of you. I have not log into Facebook for almost a week now, I didn't have the guts to face what had happened. It was more like I needed to avoid awkward situations.. Being off from social media made me realize I have more important things to deal with. I got back on today and saw pictures of you, pictures of you 6months back. That look you have when things were a little spiced up, you were happy. Reminiscing the feeling I used to feel when you did not know I had a crush on you, that 2songs where I have it on repeat whenever I talk to you, those 2 display pictures you used for your messengers, those late night conversation that kept me awake just to talk to you, that first phone call where you got my heart beating so fast as I hear you speak and it took RM18 of your credit. I felt like I was the happiest girl alive to be in that shoe, I was happy lucky. It is all different now, knowing that you are all ready and available for a new love but I would have the whole world to compete with. Life has many different chapters for us, is this one of the bad chapters we're having and soon it's going to be over?
Never liked cockroaches, never did liked killing them either. Flipping through my notebook as I was jotting down some notes for Sociology class, not aware of the pages I was flipping and I ended up looking at the pages where you used to scribble telling me how pretty damn amazing I was killing cockroaches with you tonight. I literally miss killing them with you, especially that one time outside Murni, Aman Suria where we both jumped off the car while the gear was still on D. It was so hilarious even the restaurant opposite was wondering what were we up to with both front car doors opened. Long story short, You got me missing the times where we killed roaches together and feeling so proud of it. heh (゜´Д｀゜)
Smelled the exact same deo when a man walked pass me. Receptors were slow as I was pretty much traumatized by the smell, hallucinated and thought there might be a slight chance that it could be you. Heh, how silly?
Monday, January 16, 2012
Moving on was not easy
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Definitely no awkwardness between us
It has been 2months ever since we had a proper conversation. I have been longing and hoping that we'll get back to how things used to be. Frankly speaking, I am not used to this lifestyle where how I totally stop going over to your place to chill for hours and have dinner there. How I always have a partner with me doing everything together. I have been out every single day ever since I have you in my life, and I could never get bored of it. Although it was just a simple life that we're both living, it was simply amazing with you around every single time yet we had so much in common.
I always see this as part of god's plan, he have us both meet at Michelle's place when we were little when you could hardly remember me. I remembered you so well because we used to text with our very first phone while I was still so excited about it. We lost contact after that time, but you came back into my life while we bumped into each other again in your high school. I had no idea what had got into me and got me going up to you and talked to you. Well I have to admit I was pretty proud of what I have achieved for today getting us into talking terms. We lost contact then again but this time we have Facebook to back us up. We bumped into each other again during Bengkel class for driving lessons. What a small world?
How can this amazing thing not be god's plan for us both? I have been telling myself, if god put me through this, god will pull me through it..
I have been having sleepless nights, waking up feeling restless, waking up crying, forcing myself to bed just to stop myself from thinking so much. Being half hanging like this hurts like no body's business, because even when your able to do something about it. You can't! You don't know what is there that can be done and fixed, You don't know where you belonged to? I don't see what is the point leaving us half hanging like that? Why cold shoulders when you can get things right? Why so ego when we can be happy together? I wonder how have you been? Have you been better off days without me? Have you been missing me? Have you been wondering how am I up to? Have you been longing to see me? Have you been lying on bed thinking about us? Have you been trying to work things out between us? Have you been crying yourself to sleep? Have you been having ramli burgers on your own? Have you been driving around all alone?
A few close friends of mine have been trying to get my mind of nasty things that upsets me. Some even came to the point of asking me to give up.. "No, I still have faith in us, it was never easy letting go and I wouldn't go any closer to that." I replied every single time.
You gave me hope again, I was so happy knowing that you missed me. Knowing that it was all worth the wait for things to recover slowly. I thought this has finally came to an end... But wait, it was no difference?
Why would you tell me you miss me and walk away? I have always been here waiting for your return. I have tried every way to get to you, and there seems to not have any response. I'm sorry, there isn't any ways for me to approach you anymore. Counting the days till college reopens, I'm afraid we might have to get back on track again, there wouldn't be any time for us to make it up. I know you'd be leaving to states soon, knowing the fact that time is running fast time to spend together would be much lesser now.
There is this something i learned on the last day of 2011, appreciate and cherish when people is still around before it is too late.
I don't know will you be reading this, it would definitely a bonus to me if you do.
I love you.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Turkey, Pastas, Lamb, Nasi Lemak on Christmas Eve
Spent whole day at Aunty Susie's place helping her out for our yearly Christmas Eve dinner. I may have learned a thing or two through out the day though. Angie made Aglio Olio spaghetti, Salad and Christmas Pudding. The rest were all ordered, Nasi Lemak, Beef Rendang, Satays, Moroccan Lamb, Lamb and also Turkey.
Turkey anyone?
Party time after Christmas Eve dinner at Auntie Susie's with Kins, Weiwen and Stan :)
We thought we already had to countdown in the car since I don't want my first countdown for Christmas to be THIS bad. Thankfully with Weiwen's small MYVI he managed to squeeze through and parked OPPOSITE of Sunway Pyramid which made us all walk pretty far.
Took the promotion in 17saloon with their Lychee beer.
Serious planning for "What shall we do tomorrow"
A picture taken with Kins and Christmas tree at Sunway HotelMERRYY CHRISTMAS EARTHLINGS
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Legal enough.
Celebrated Birthday with a whole new bunch of friends, it was great celebrating with own friends this time. I never really had like a Birthday Celebration, well it wasn't exactly any big bombastic celebration but a good dinner where everyone of us dressed up all nicely for it. I thought I would have shed into tears when I saw the presents, guys came covering my eyes and said "Guess who!?" and of course a simple slice of Green Tea cake from San Terri...
...although it wasn't anything oh-so-grant, but I loved it. Thoughts that counts after all, knowing I have a group of awesome groupies.
So we had a little Screwdriver, Mojito, Mojito Lychee, Long Island Iced Tea
Green Tea cake from San Terri.I fed everyone of us. It's good to share good stuff sometimes, right? :)
Lastly, a birthday cake from Joshua Nathan :)I have been wishing you would be the first one to wish me Happy Birthday, because I had all the hopes on you. I have been waiting...waiting...waiting and waitingg... Looking at the clock strikes 12am to 21st of December with no sign of your wishes. I was very disappointed indeed, and also telling myself it's okay, everything is gonna be alright.
It has been 4days now since my Birthday, you bbm-ed me wishing me "Belated birthday and I love you". I died a little inside seeing you talking to me again, I was so happy and all of my friends could tell it from my face already as I was chilling out with them. Although you were 4days late, which really disturbed me. I don't know why but to just forgive you, thinking that you would make it up to me for this special day for me. I hope you meant "I love you" because I have loved you since day1...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Those were the days
How we used to vroom vroom everywhere, go long gai in your car after you've got your license and not giving a damn about the petrol
How you used to pick me up from Point A to Point Z
How we used to hop from mall to mall, spending quality time together
How we used to catch nice movies in the theater, and being fed with pop corn every once awhile
How I used to tell my classmates after class dismiss "Ohhhhh his here alreaddyyyy!! Byeee byyeeeee" with the brightest smile ＼（^０＾）／
How you used to call me for an hour just to talk to me right before you go to bedd :)
How we used to be longing for one another for a 3days trip or maybe a week in Jakarta and Langkawi (ノД`)・゜・。
How you used to pay me a visit right away after your arrival, ringing at my door bell and hugs me tightly, saying i missed youu!
How we used to Skype most of the nights till the wee hours
How we used to video call till the next morning, seeing you still soundly asleep
How you used to hold onto my hand as we walk (〜￣▽￣)〜〜(￣▽￣〜)
How you used to feed me every single time till my mum complains we've been eating too much
How we used to be nagged over and over again by your mum wanting us to go down for dinner
How you used to go out with your mates and I'm always included ヽ(＾Д＾)ﾉ
How you used to text me right after classes telling me you've another class to attend while you were in a hurry silly
How we used to see each other everyday, even my friends were jealous of us ψ(｀∇´)ψ
How my friends used to say, "If we see you, we'll see him. If we go out, you and boyfriend sure included. There is always a space for you both"
How you used to rush me to bed telling me it's already late, Go to sleep
How you used to flood my text message with your messages, more or less we have plenty to spam one another's inbox like crazzzy (T_T)
Well, I kinda miss these.. It's been awhile.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I was in Will's shoes (´Д｀。)
I went for casting for a short film the other day to help out a certain people for their production. We had 3 scenes to try out. It is about this story of a couple.. Renee and Will.
Renee as Will's Girlfriend. Will fights a lot, Renee is always worried about him, being terrified the whole time. She tried asking him for a change, well he did try and when he was about to be all fine, his enemies came back and started bugging and teasing him. At last he did it, he fought with them again. That was already too late, he was unlucky that time. He got badly injured and he passed away on the spot while Renee holding him in her arms.
The director wanted us to meet him again today to tell him our point of view of the whole short film. He asked me "What do you think about this short film? If you were Renee, will you give up consoling and advising him?" "Noo, I would keep it going cause I know it would worth the while. It would not hurt if i advise, as long I know I have done it right" I replied.
For a moment I thought, I felt like I was in Will's shoes. I have been advised, told, warned for many times yet I have not realize my mistakes I have done to make you mad. I know I tried, i tried my very best. Whenever things are working fine, it would come back all over again. There it goes, I would be drowned and not knowing what to do? When I finally realizes it and trying to make it back up to you, feeling all so guilty, putting down my pride just to tell you I'm really sorry, you said it's already too late.
I don't know, I know I am in no position to ask from you. But to prove and slowly gain your trust back. It just feels like I am already shattering inside.
Others are drowning and I'm causing the floodo(╥﹏╥)o
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Quotes, no?
True or no true. So relevant to mee :D
Well, that person must be very special.
